So. I promised myself I wouldn’t do this. That I would leave my blog for exactly what I told you it was for. Fashion, beauty, lifestyle, music, etc. But I can’t keep my mouth shut about things that I have learned about myself over the past few months. Maybe you’ll read this and you won’t think twice about it. Maybe you’ll screenshot it and send it in your bratty group message to talk crap on it. But maybe…just mayyyybe there is one person that needs to read it. SO THIS IS FOR YOU, ONE PERSON. And I don’t care about any of the other people who have anything to say about it. And whoever this one person is…..I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH ALREADY. And I hope you can share this with the one person in your life that needs it as well. PASS on the love.
When it comes to blogging and writing to you guys, I have no idea who you are, where you come from, or where you’ve been about 98% of the time. BUT HI. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, already. Over the past few months, I have learned more about myself than the rest of the 20 years I have been alive. Starting this blog was a huge venture out into a world that I was COMPLETELY clueless about. I can make money off this? Say what? I have to post at certain times on certain days? I have to track all my numbers? I have to do math? UMMMM what. I THOUGHT THIS WAS ABOUT WORDS AND PICTURES. But there has been so much I have learned along the way.
On top of mean girls, judgemental moms who have nothing better to do, and businesses ripping me apart….I was going through a personal hurricane too. Who am I? What do I want my mission in life to be? How do I want to make people feel? What do I want in my LOVE life? How do I feel happy throughout my trials? What do I want to leave behind? How do I leave a situation that actually makes me super unhappy? Where is the Sarah I want to be? WELL. I FOUND HER. She’s back, she’s better, and she has so much built up on the inside that is ready to explode and answer all those questions. And it didn’t start with other people. It started with myself.
Throughout the process of being straight up LOST, I was making decisions in my life that would make ANY Mom cry. (Good thing I was blessed with one to love me through it! I LOVE YOU MOMMA <3) All the wrong things you could choose, I chose. I was selfish, mean, lazy, not driven……dumb and very temporarily invested in people and things. I HATED everything. Everything was everyone else’s fault, everyone was “judgemental”, and I was the only one with all the right answers. A Yeah. Bullshiz.
Although my religion was a HUGE part of helping me find myself, I understand that it’s a super sensitive topic. One that I have chosen not to bring up in this post, although it credits to almost all of my transformation. If this is where you struggle….message me. I’ve got some stories for you. Some moments that are undeniable. But, instead I’m going to phrase it differently so that we can all relate. And we are going to focus on starting by loving yourself.
It’s something that you’re always told growing up. “You HAVE to love yourself.” “Have confidence.” “Love yourself the way you want others to love you.” Yeahhhh right. Easier said than done. We live in a mean world. A world that gravitates towards the negative. And if we aren’t careful, we get caught up in it EVEN when we don’t realize it. Yep. I’m talking about the “Ew what is she wearing?” *screenshots and sends to 5 people* It spreads like wildfire and it is so freaking toxic.
I AM THE FIRST TO ADMIT I had the worst case of hating other people. I was the first person to do that. I always had something to say about anyone. It rubbed off on my friends, it rubbed off on my family, my relationship….like I said, that shiz is toxic. And guess what. It’s because I was so freaking insecure about the person that I was. WHEN YOU do not like other people, it is because you do not like yourself. Bible. Take a look into your life and where you’re centered. Chances are when you’re the most happy with yourself, you’re the most happy with other people as well. They go hand in hand. So just stop it.
Again, way easier said than done. My insecurities run like crazy in my head, still. And they always will. The place where you have to start is controlling them. You’re thighs are NOT cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is found at the grocery store, not on your body. Your hair IS NOT disgusting. Chances are no one else thinks it looks disgusting besides you because you expect it to look like Beyoncé with her full weave and photoshop in effect. Eating one french fry is not going to make you fat JUST LIKE doing one sit up is not going to make you skinny. Your teeth aren’t as yellow as you think they are. Brush a little bit more and quit complaining. The harder you are on yourself, the more you will hate yourself. Are there things that if I had a million dollars that I would change about myself? Hell yes. I wish my hips were smaller, my waist was tighter, and my lips were bigger. I wish my pores were smaller and that my arms were skinnier. If I could transplant thick hair onto my head, I would. I would pull back every sagging piece of skin and laser off every freckle if I could. BUT GUESS WHAT. I can’t. And chances are I will NOT be getting a million dollars anytime soon……so I HAD to get over it. It’s an everyday battle. You cannot sit for 20 minutes in front of the mirror afraid of what you see. Because it’s not what other people see. And if it is, they need to take a deeper look into their own lives.
SO QUIT stalking the girls that make you hate yourself. Quit wearing 3 bras because you want your boobs to be smaller. (me.) Quit not going out with your friends because you’re having a bad hair or acne day. Quit REFUSING TO LET OTHER PEOPLE LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF.
Evaluate where you’re at…..and tell yourself where you want to go. Are the decisions you’re making because YOU want to….or because you feel like you have to? Are you afraid of losing people for standing up for what you believe in? (Dumb. Let them leave. You don’t need them.) Are you lying to people with who you truly are? Are you afraid of people knowing about the decisions you make? Do you really love yourself?
Saying no to opportunities, photoshoots, relationship opportunities, friendships, and blessings is LITERALLY not okay. Someone who I look up to a lot said to me:
“How do you think I felt standing next to Amber Fillerup??!! And it got me thinking do I honestly look like that? The answer is no. And you can’t be insecure. You started this blog for a reason because you want to make an impact on others while helping them feel cute too!”
EVERYONE has insecurities. And if you let them, they will take over your life and eat you alive. When you’re insecure and don’t know where you come from….you will lose everything important to you, I promise you. Whether it’s a slow or quick process you will lose it all. And maybe you’ll have to hit the bottom to realize it. But I hope that I can help stop you so that you DON’T have to hit the bottom. Because I’ve been there myself, lifting anyone up along the way is my goal.
Boys are stupid. Girls are mean. Moms are judgemental and gossipy EVEN WHEN THEY ARE 40 WITH 5 KIDS. But YOU are important. You are kind, genuine, and you will love them regardless. It will make all the difference. Welcome to the good girls club.
I LOVE YOU ALL